Are We Just Going Through The Motions ?

Unfortunately, we have to observe another Tisha B'av this year. This day is our National Day of Mourning because of several catastrophic events that occurred on this day. The most depressing event that occurred on this day was the destruction of the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem by the Romans nearly two thousand years ago. Not only was the central location of Jewish worship destroyed after 420 years of being the spiritual oasis of the nation, but the surviving Jews were banished into exile, while Jerusalem lay in ruins.

The Rabbis declared that day always to be marked with intense mourning. One should refrain from eating, drinking, bathing among other things as well. People come to synagogue and sit on the floor as the Book of Lamentations is chanted in a somber tune.

My question is are we actually feeling the pain and mourning? Does it really bother us that the central location of Jewish worship has disappeared and been replaced with another house of worship by another faith ? 

I ask this especially in light of the root cause of the destruction of the Temple. It was not because people were not observing Shabbos or eating non-Kosher. It was because there was internal division among Jews. It was because mistrust and animosity replaced peace and harmony. It was because we were not sensitive enough to our brothers and sisters. Finally, G-d said if the people have so much friction with themselves, I am withdrawing My Presence. Shortly after, the Romans arrived and destroyed Jerusalem one block at a time until the most sacred area in Judaism was engulfed in flames.

So as we sit on the floor this year and bemoan the fact that there is no Temple in Jerusalem, let us contemplate the state of Jewry today both in here in the diaspora and in the Land of Israel. Let us ask ourselves if we have learned our lesson from the catastrophic events of two thousand years ago ? Why can't we show some mutual respect toward each one another even of the other person is less or more observant? Why does insisting that ones position is the correct one many times end up castigating another individual or an entire segment of Klal Yisrael ? How painful is it to hear that a Jewish soldier walks through a Jewish neighborhood in Jerusalem and is attacked because others don't agree with his opinion !

Let us look inward this Tisha B'av  and ask ourselves --Are we going to do anything to improve unity among Klal Yisrael? Or are we just going through the motions?

Please share your thoughts.

The Virtue of Failure

Have you ever failed at something that left you feeling really deflated? Have you had your share of setbacks and disappointments? If you have, then you are like everyone in life. There is no one since the beginning of time until the very moment that you are reading this blog that has not failed at something. The question is, how do we react to our failures? Do we wallow in self-pity and despair? Have we fallen down that it is it too hard to get up? Or is it possible to somehow transform a failure into a positive experience?

I think there is a great lesson in this weeks parsha that speaks to this idea. The Torah articulates the 42 stops the Jewish people made along the way from Egypt into the Land of Israel over the course of their 40 year journey. Why was it necessary for the Torah to repeat all the times they stopped at a 7-11 along the way? Rashi explains this with a parable. There once was a king who had a very ill son. They traveled to a faraway land to seek the assistance of a well-known physician. They finally reached their destination and with G-D's help -- the child was cured from this deadly disease. On the way home, the king pointed out to his son all the difficulties that took place along the route to the destination. 

Rashi applies this lesson to the parsha. Now that we had reached the final destination -- the border of the Holy Land, G-d was pointing out all of our failures as well. This is where we had the Golden calf, the story of the Spies, Korach etc.

We were being reminded of our failures because it is precisely because of our failures that we were able to become successful. The people transformed the setbacks and disappointments into learning experiences for the future.

There was once a basketball player who said this about his career. "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

This player is Michael Jordan -- the greatest player of all time.

Enough Said.

Please share your thoughts.

Is Tolerance a Jewish Value ?

After 40 years of leading his flock through the challenges of the desert terrain, Moshe was finally coming to terms with the fact that by Divine decree he would not enter the Land of Israel. Moshe was the ultimate selfless leader and pleaded with G-d to appoint a worthy successor. In this week’s parsha, we learn about the fascinating dialogue that takes place between Moshe and G-d about the necessary qualifications for this demanding position. Can you imagine trying to put together a job description to replace Moshe? What unique qualities did Moshe request that his successor possess? Was it being an outstanding scholar? A sharp judge?  Someone that would pray for 6 hours a day?

In fact Moshe did not mention any of these but a quality that is crucial in any leadership position, let alone the Chief Rabbi of the Jewish people. As Rashi points out, Moshe addressed G-d as the G-d of all spirits. Essentially what we he was telling G-d was that since there is so much diversity among people, they need a leader that can understand everyone where they are. (This was without him ever participating at a congregational meeting!) Please appoint a leader that can have tolerance towards each and every individual. To be sure, having tolerance doesn't mean agreeing with someone that has a differing view from you. In certain circumstances it is necessary to condemn various actions or behaviors. Rather it means that it is not necessary for you to shout down everybody that you disagree with.

         

In our own Jewish world when there is so much mistrust among different streams of our people -- I think this message is more timeless than ever. I may not agree with you but I love you as a fellow Jew because we ultimately we have a shared destine as one nation going all the way back to Mt Sinai.

Tolerance and Patience are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of strength and greatness. This is a core Jewish value. This is what Moshe prayed for in a successor. 

Please share your thoughts.

This is my hero. Who is Your Hero ?

We live in a word where we are told if someone can throw a ball a certain way or if they look a certain way, they are heroes and should be emulated. I think it is important to distinguish between being talented/good looking and being a hero. Not everyone that was born with G-d given talent should be called a hero simply because of their achievements.

My hero is not someone who has a flashy title. He did not make a lot of money in his lifetime. He was not the guy who threw a buzzer beater from the three point line to win the NBA Championship. He is not the hockey player from Brantford, Ontario who began ice skating at the age of two and went on to be known in the world of hockey as The Great One. (Although, I have to admit that I think Wayne Gretzky is pretty cool.)

 My hero is not the guy who wins the hot dog eating contest on Coney Island in Brooklyn every year and still weighs about 130 pounds. 

So who you may ask is my hero?

My hero was a man who believed that when Rabbi Akiva said “Love Your Friend as yourself is a Great Rule in the Torah ", and is not just empty rhetoric.

My hero was a great Torah scholar who loved all Jews unconditionally regardless of their affiliation or observance.

My hero was a man who refused to be dragged into the infighting of various camp within Judaism. On Rosh Hashanah we would pray in different shuls to show that he above the barriers that we sometime place among ourselves.

My hero was a man who accompanied his wife to the doctor because she was not well. When inquired by the doctor as to the reason their visit, He replied Our Leg is not feeling well.

My hero was a man who at a young age who made a vow always to judge people favorably and did so in the most trying circumstance for the rest of his life.

My hero was a man who greatly empathized with the pain of others. Upon hearing of the tragic news of a soldier from the IDF who had passed away, he would rush to the family and comfort the bereaved.

My hero was a man who always worked hard on restoring harmony between couples that were living in turmoil.

My hero was a man who transcended the pettiness we find in society and refused to believe that he can't be a force of good  that could change the world for the better.

My hero was a man who was so humble that he refused to have any eulogies at his funeral or words of praise on his monument.

My hero was a man who always visited Jewish prisoners during the British mandate and gave them encouragement hope and inspiration. He did this after no rabbi was willing to give up his Shabbos rest to go every single Shabbos and Jewish Holiday to say the prayers and read Torah to them. He would then walk tens of miles around Jerusalem bringing personal regard to their families who were concerned about their welfare.

My hero was a man who at his funeral had tens of thousands of people coming to pay their final respects and included the president, prime minister and cabinet ministers of Israel along with distinguished Chassidic rabbis and venerable deans of the leading yeshivas. They stood next to many officers of the Israel Defense Forces and former underground fighters who acknowledged him as their rabbi.

My hero is the man Menachem Begin described this way: This man appears and you watch his actions carefully and you are enchanted. You listen to his words and they touch your heart. You look at his eyes and they are clear and pure. You say in your heart: This man is a tzaddik (righteous).

My hero is Rabbi Aryeh Levin who passed away in 1968. He lived in a small apartment in Jerusalem. He wrote no essays. He gave no sermons or addresses before an audience of thousands. He never spoke at mass gatherings or let his voice travel on the airwaves of the radio or television. Yet his influence spread far and wide with people coming to seek warmth and encouragement.

Rabbi Aryeh Levin was an outstanding individual because always sought to bring out the best in people.

He is my hero. Who is your hero ?

Please share your thoughts.

Happy Father's Day !

I think I will take a pass on the sensitive and controversial issues and write about Father's  Day. Then again being a father and at excelling at it is anything but easy. It is one of those jobs in life where us fathers receive no formal training but are expected to do well at it. As in the case of a driver that goes behind the wheel of an automobile without any training can endanger the welfare of others, the same applies to the fine art of being a dad. An irresponsible father can endanger the well-being of his child both physically and emotionally. Granted, I think the vast majority of dads are well meaning but sometimes still come up short in the area of fatherhood.

So I will offer some thoughts on what it takes to be a great dad. 

1) What's important to you is important to me. We have dreams and expectations that we want our children to fulfill as in "my son the doctor". I am not suggesting that we lower our expectations of excellence that we want our kids to reach, but rather to realize that the development of  a child/teen takes years to materialize  and we must demonstrate to them that we empathize with their challenges and struggles.  I remember reading a story about one of the greatest dads of the twentieth century -- Rav Moshe Feinstien of blessed memory. He is known as one of the greatest halachic authorities of that century, but less known is his excellence in fatherhood. His son Reuven (now Rav Reuven and a great man in his own right) would relate that they would have a daily Torah study session while they were vacationing in the Catskill Mountains. (That brings up another important topic -- vacation. That is for a future post on this blog.) There wasn't much for the kids to do back then (that was in the pre historic times before all the mobile devices that had games were invented.) Once a day, a farmer would drive his truck into town to pick up some supplies. The back of the truck was cushioned with hay, and the children would climb in for their daily ride. Many times as they were studying Torah, the truck was about to leave for the daily ride. Rav Moshe who arguably cared more about Torah study than anyone of his generation (he was at least in the top five of this exclusive category!) would stop and tell his son that they could continue later but for now he should make sure that he didn't miss the truck ride.

2) Unconditional Love. Your child should always know that no matter what their grades are or how clean their room is -- their dad will always love them unconditionally. We should not think that is a given that kids know that we love them but rather our words and our actions should reflect that. The child should know and feel that his or her dad will always love and care for them in all circumstances. This can even be demonstrated with small gestures. R' Reuven Feinstien remembers waking up in the frigid winters in New York and he would walk over to the radiator and take the warm socks that his father Rav Moshe had left them as he was leaving the house in the morning. Many fathers don't have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with their kids. The time that is spent should be quality time with the child feeling the unconditional love of his/her father.

3) Push him away with your left hand and bring him close with you right hand. I am referring to the golden rule of discipline that is found in the Talmud. Of course, it is necessary to discipline a child/teen. However, the big picture should always be part of this equation. A father sometimes has to discipline or redirect the child's behavior or attitude, but should always make sure that it is done in a way that encourages good behavior and ultimately as part of an overall dynamic of a loving and healthy environment. I once heard from a great educator, that one should have a ratio of 4:1 positive feedback to negative feedback from their parent.

4) Listen to your wife. That may be the most important advice of all ! Having a child grow up in a healthy and loving home where his/her parents listen and respect each other is arguably the best thing parents can provide their kids.

So to all you dad's out there as you stand by the grill or the pool this Father's Day, please remember the wonderful gift of fatherhood G-d has bestowed upon us and most importantly --- hug your child !

Please share your thoughts.

Is There Any Hope For Jewish Unity ?

I really wanted to post something that is light and that you can enjoy while sipping your favorite latte. I was thinking of sharing some thoughts on how to perfect the art of making sushi rolls. Or perhaps to voice the thoughts of a frustrated baseball fan who has seen the umpires blow so many calls this season and not having the mentschlichkeit to consider that they were wrong. I think they would be wise to look at the NFL which does allow the rulings on the field to be challenged. However important (or not) these issues are, I feel there is something far more pressing to commentt on.

I was reading about a story that took place in Germany last month. First, I thought that it just can't be true and that I had misread the article. I had to read it again. 

A meeting of the elected leadership of the conflict- ridden Berlin Jewish community –Germany’s largest with 10,500 members – spilled over into physical attacks on Thursday due to disputes over the 2013 budget.

The session turned “brutal,” said one observer at the community’s representative meeting to The Jerusalem Post.

The daily Berlin Der Tagesspiegel  reported on Friday that “some members were choked” when community members, including supporters of the head of the community, attacked opposition members during a break in the meeting.

Criminal complaints were filed and the police appeared at the representative meeting.

 So he we are in 2013 and there is a fight that breaks out among Jews in Berlin, and the German police are called in to make peace! Can things get any crazier? The truth of the matter is that I am in no position to comment on the specifics about the situation and pass judgment as to who bears responsibility for that specific incident.

Rather, this makes me extremely sad. There is so much division and mistrust among different groups of Klal Yisrael today, it is quite disheartening. Many times this stems from insisting that one particular derech is morally superior to a different derech. The devastating consequences cannot be overemphasized when you have of Jews that view another group of Jews with suspicion or even hostility.

 These thoughts weigh on me as I read the this weeks parsha. We learn about the story of Korach who was a cousin of Moshe and waged a bitter rebellion against him. He demanded that he receive more recognition and respect. He was so charismatic that he was able to attract quite a following to join him in his ill-advised struggle. Ultimately, like so many other cases of infighting the consequences for Korach  and his followers were catastrophic.

I once heard a powerful story form one of my rabbis in Israel. He was once in the Boston airport waiting to board a flight and he met a gentleman from Israel who was clearly not observant. They started having a very friendly conversation in Hebrew and exchanged some traveling tips. After about 15 minutes, the rabbi said to his new friend “Do you realize that had we met in Israel we probably would have not even acknowledged each other? After all, if our appearances and set of values are so different, we would of not even paid attention to each other. Why is it that we can get along much better in Boston than Jerusalem? His new friend nodded in agreement. The wise rabbi responded, that in Jerusalem we tend to emphasize the differences we have with one another whereas in Boston we tend to emphasize the things that we have in common. In Jerusalem, they were clearly different – the rabbi with a black hat and the Israeli tourist with a t shirt and shorts. In Boston, they are clearly similar – they both speak Hebrew.

I think that is something we really have to contemplate. Despite the many differences we may have with our Jewish brothers and sisters, we must focus on things that unite us rather than divide us. We have a common bond all the way back from Mt. Sinai in which we collectively accepted God's mission here on earth. It goes against the most basic Torah values to erect artificial barriers that separate us. In fact, Rashi points out that immediately prior to receiving the Torah, the Jewish nation at Mt. Sinai we were unified like one person with one heart.

We must look back in the rear view mirror of history and realize that we been the strongest when we stood together and the weakest when we stand apart. Or, as I once it heard on a lighter note --- We are One nation, under God, indivisible, with kugel and chicken soup for all.

 Please share your thoughts.

Have We Learned Our Lesson ?

 First of all I would like to thank everyone for providing feedback on my new blog. The goal of this space is not to sermonize but rather to share ideas that are screaming in my head as I am waiting in line at the bank or jogging down Scott Mill Road. I very much would appreciate you sharing your thoughts as well.

So - we all have had the opportunity to have our  fair share of failures and setbacks. I think as individuals we can all relate to that. Have you ever felt like this ? The question is how do we learn from these experiences and transform yesterday's failures into tomorrow successes.

               

This thought occurs to me every time I read through this weeks parsha. There we were as a people going back  3,324 years ago on the cusp of entering the Land of Israel and entering into a new phase of nation building in peace and security. We were so deliciously close to completing the journey and having our first falafel as Jews in Israel. Then disaster struck after the spies that were sent by Moshe into Israel on a fact finding mission returned and did not focus on the positive qualities of the land but rather on the negative ones. Then the people went into hysteria and  refused to enter the land and even had the chutzpah to want to return to Egypt. The rest is history.

So here we are in 2013 and my question is: Have we learned our lesson from the spies who had an opportunity to enter the Holy Land and chose to speak ill of it ? How do we view the Land of Israel ? Is it just an anecdotal part of our lives or more prominent ? Does it bother you when people from other nationalities claim that the Jewish people have no connection to Temple Mount ? 

I am not advocating that everyone make aliya.  I am just questioning do we have a desire to have an emotional connection with the Land of Israel ?  For thousand of years, Jews have prayed and cried for the  opportunity to return to Zion and Jerusalem. Our generation is blessed that for about $1500 you can travel there in less than a day. We are blessed that we are able to visit the Kosel (Western Wall) whenever we want and pour our hearts out to our Father in Heaven in that sacred area . At this time the land of Israel currently has more Torah being studied and more minyanim being held than in the past 2 thousand years. Not to mention, all the amazing advances in medicine, science and hi tech emerging from this land. 

It is also important to remember there are many people in the world that are actively working on destroying the Jewish population from the Land of Israel.  3,324 years after the fiasco of the spies we are once again given the opportunity to embrace the Land of Israel. So my question to you dear friends is ---Have we learned our lesson?

Please share your thoughts.