Making Deposits

No matter what side of the political aisle you stand on, this week was quite significant. The changing of administrations is always a big deal, but this year, it was quite the event. For the sake of the country, we hope and pray that our new President and his administration successfully respond to a nation in crisis. I have observed how many people were so emotionally invested in the recent election season. Declarations such as "we will not have a country if the other candidate gets elected" were heard throughout the long election cycle. While it's essential to participate in the democratic process and advocate our voice to elected officials, it can become all-consuming. Now that the election and recent inauguration are in the rearview mirror, I believe it's important to reflect on how and where we invest so much emotional energy. I would like to humbly recommend that perhaps we pivot away much of our emotional energy to the relationships and people in our lives that actually can benefit from it. We can get a much better return on investment from the time we spend on cultivating and improving these relationships. I am referring to the most important relationships in our lives that include our spouses, parents, and children. With our spouses, there is a wide range of how successful or not a marriage can be. It can vary from excellent and hitting on all cylinders to a failed union that's headed towards divorce. In the middle are a vast number of marriages that have some sort of peaceful coexistence. The couple may share a house and even a bedroom, but they might be coexisting and not thriving. I think it's worthwhile to reflect on how we all can go from good to great in this most important area. I want to share an important lesson in this area I learned from John Gottman, a noted expert in this field. He describes that it's important to build a joint Emotional Bank Account for your marriage. Every time you are generous with your spouse's feelings, you are depositing in the Emotional Bank Account. And when you turn away from your spouse, you make a withdrawal. Like a real bank account, a zero balance is trouble, and a negative balance is the real danger zone. An Emotional Bank Account grows when spouses make more deposits than withdrawals. The difference between happy and unhappy couples is how they manage their Emotional Bank Account. When the Emotional Bank Account is in the red, spouses tend to question each other's intentions and feel disconnected, or even lonely. But when the Emotional Bank Account is in the green, spouses tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt during the conflict. They keep their relationship in a positive perspective. A withdrawal from the Emotional Bank Account is inevitably going to happen with all the stress in life. That is why I believe it is essential to be aware of the regular need to make these necessary deposits. This week, we observed that presidents come and go (every four years or eight years), and our influence on that process is rather limited. Let's refocus our attention on the most important relationship in our lives where our investment into the Emotional Bank Account can really make a difference.