It Starts with Listening

Unless you were in a cave in Antarctica, you heard or watched the Presidential Debate between the two leading candidates. In its aftermath, there has been much debate about the debate. From the claim about the bias of the moderators to the claim of migrants eating pets in Ohio, this was one for the ages. It's hard to know whether this debate will change anybody's mind. I definitely do not have the credentials of a political pundit and am not qualified to offer any analysis from a political angle. I will weigh in from a different perspective. What this debate (and virtually all other political debates) did not exhibit was the ability for one person to listen to another person respectfully. In this shouting match, or what some have categorized as a food fight without the food, there were insults, scorn, and contempt hurled from one to another. The inability to have a respectful and healthy discourse all starts with the ability of listening to one another. I am fond of the Gaon of Vilna's teaching about the three levels of listening. The first level is simply to listen. While this can sound rather elementary, it is not a skill exhibited by most of society. The desire to interrupt someone as he might be saying something you disagree with can lead to the person being unable to finish their sentence. The second level is understanding. This means making an effort to understand what the other person is saying before judging if the person is saying something wise or foolish. It may include a follow-up question to the person to give him an opportunity to clarify his position more articulately. The third level of listening is acceptance. The notion of accepting does not mean that you necessarily agree with that person. Rather, it can just mean that you accept this is their position. For example, it may translate by you saying, "I accept that you are against abortion with rare exceptions, but I have a different view." In that case (or others), you are not delegitimizing the person with an opposing view, and at the same time, you are making it clear that you disagree with that viewpoint. As we approach the sacred days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, our Rabbis remind us of the value of seeking reconciliation with those we may have had disagreements with in the past year. The first step on this path to healing may be as simple as stopping and truly listening to the other person's perspective. Have a Peaceful Shabbos, Rabbi Yaakov Fisch