Learning to Listen

On the eve of another somber anniversary of 9/11, America got a punch to the gut as to where we stand as a nation. Charlie Kirk, a prominent political activist, was murdered in cold blood as he was engaging in dialogue with a group of university students in Utah. Some are calling this a watershed moment in American society, and it remains to be seen whether we have hit rock bottom in our tolerance for people with whom we disagree. Much ink has been spilled by those familiar with the life and legacy of Kirk, as well as the profound impact he had on influencing political discourse. I am not a political pundit and not capable of offering a political analysis, but nonetheless filled with sadness and outrage that this can occur. ​ While, as of this moment, the killer has not been apprehended and the motive not confirmed, this has all the markings of an assassination due to one not agreeing with the views of Kirk. It’s essential to note that this heinous action did not occur in a vacuum. While the end result is, of course, horrific, the beginning of a societal breakdown has more benign roots. It usually starts with a lack of listening to another person with whom we might disagree. In a time of increasing polarization, especially related to political fault lines, we increasingly gravitate toward the perceived comfort of echo chambers. We attempt to curate experiences, interactions, and dialogue with only those whose positions we find agreeable. The opinions of those we disagree with become contemptible. The next step may be the demonization of others, and with the political temperature continuing to rise. While not all circumstances lead to violence and murder, it is nonetheless tragic for groups of people to demonize others simply because they might have a position or vote for something we disagree with. ​ While others write an obituary for America or tell others how they need to change, I think this is an opportunity for us to reflect and introspect on how we can learn to listen properly. The Gaon of Vilna wrote that there are three levels to listening. The first level is simply to listen. While this may seem elementary, it actually means not interrupting and paying attention to what the person is saying. It also means not thinking about formulating your response or best comeback line. The second step is understanding. This can mean asking a simple follow-up question, such as what day you arrived or whom you said you voted for in the last election. The third and final level of listening is acceptance. This does not mean that we agree with the person, but rather that we acknowledge their position. ​ As Rosh Hashanah approaches, it’s important to note the blessing of the Shofar is not to blow the shofar but rather to listen to the shofar (לשמוע קול שופר). Our Rabbis teach us that while many can blow, it is more noble to listen. The way out of the abyss is most likely not to come from the top down in society. It will most likely be from the bottom up, and our best hope would be to start effectively listening to others. I hope and pray that we can pivot and improve the way we listen to others. It is not an understatement or overreaction to express that the alternative to properly listening to one another may be the beginning of the end for this great republic. ​ Have a Peaceful Shabbos, ​ Rabbi Yaakov Fisch