Living with Contradictions

I was recently walking in an airport terminal and passed by a smokers' lounge. There were several people smoking and otherwise relaxing while they had their nicotine fix. There was a very large sign on the wall with the following words prominently displayed. It stated, “SMOKING WILL KILL YOU.” The harsh and blunt warning didn’t seem to faze any of the smokers. How does one explain such behavior? Is it that they don’t believe the warning? Do they not care about their own well-being? The answer for most people is that this behavior is referred to as cognitive dissonance, and it is one of the most well-researched areas in psychology. Cognitive Dissonance is a state of mental discomfort that occurs when a person holds beliefs or opinions that are inconsistent with or conflict with an aspect of their behavior. Because that discomfort feels unpleasant, our brain is motivated to reduce the tension, often by changing how we think rather than how we act. In other words, there is a disconnect between the knowledge we have and our physical actions. The other alternatives would be to dispute the information or to discontinue the action. However, as complex people who live with various contradictions, we try to explain away the inconsistencies. As much as we think it's only other people who behave this way, the reality is that we are all complex people with various contradictions in our lives. We find this behaviour in our parsha this week, as we see the progression of Pharaoh's reaction to the ten plagues. At first, he was more defiant. At a certain point, he knew that G-d was orchestrating the plagues, and he needed to acquiesce and allow the Jews to be freed. There was this cognitive dissonance that Pharaoh displayed, and in some way, we all suffer from these inconsistencies. There are manifestations of cognitive dissonance in our spiritual lives. While we may know certain truths from the Torah, our actions may not reflect those truths. How can one overcome these inconsistencies and live a life more aligned with their values? One of the more thoughtful mussar leaders of recent times, Rabbi Dessler wrote that our thoughts follow our actions, not the other way around. For example, if a person wants to improve in their Tefila/prayer, it would be more impactful to start with an action, and the thoughts will follow. Even if the actions are relatively modest, one should adopt that change. Consistent behavior reshapes desire, helping us better align with our fundamental values. The alternative is to fall further into decline with more inconsistencies. That was the path of Pharaoh in Egypt, and at some point, we must all leave Egypt. ​ Have a Peaceful Shabbos, ​ Rabbi Yaakov Fisch