Uncomfortable Choices

As Jews living in the Diaspora, we are sometimes faced with uncomfortable choices. Occasionally, this can happen at a gathering where non-kosher food is served, even though you have requested or ordered a kosher meal. While everyone is digging into this delicious food, you may be unwrapping multiple layers of silver foil. The stares are inevitable, and you might have some explaining to do. Another person might not want to rock the boat and stick out and will just take the non-kosher option. ​ This conundrum is not new, and we have been living with this tension for thousands of years. In this week's parsha, the Torah records, וְכַאֲשֶׁר֙ יְעַנּ֣וּ אֹת֔וֹ כֵּ֥ן יִרְבֶּ֖ה וְכֵ֣ן יִפְרֹ֑ץ. Translation: “The more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and spread out.” External pressure somehow catalyzed internal growth. Throughout Jewish history, periods of hostility have often clarified commitments that had grown fuzzy during easier times. What explains this? The Midrash identifies specific cultural markers the Israelites preserved throughout enslavement: they did not change their names, they did not change their language, and they did not change their dress. These weren’t arbitrary choices. They were psychological anchors that prevented identity collapse across centuries of oppression. Modern social psychology validates this ancient wisdom. Marilynn Brewer’s theory on Optimal Distinctiveness explains why such boundaries matter: People need both belonging and distinctiveness to thrive psychologically. A group that abandons all distinctive markers often experiences distress rather than relief. As issues range from wearing a yarmulke/kippah in public to requesting a kosher meal, the need to blend in and not make waves is a convenient choice. Our weekly parsha and modern research suggests that individuals who abandon core identity markers in pursuit of acceptance often experience hollowness rather than belonging. This insight reflects a deeper truth: We contribute most meaningfully when we contribute from a place of authentic selfhood, not when we’ve erased everything that makes our perspective distinctive. Yes, of course, it may be more convenient not to request the kosher meal or wear the Kippah in public. However, we did not survive as a people connected to an eternal covenant because of the value of convenience. I am reminded of the words of Allan Boesak, an anti-apartheid activist, who wrote the following. “When we go before Him, G-d will ask, ‘Where are your wounds?’ And we will say, ‘We have no wounds.’ And G-d will ask, ‘Was there nothing worth fighting for?’” The words of Boesak haunt me, and this is a question we should all want a good answer to. Have a Peaceful Shabbos, Rabbi Yaakov Fisch